- Have dinner ready. Plan ahead, even the night before, to have a delicious meal ready, on time for his return. This is a way of letting him know that you have been thinking about him and are concerned about his needs. Most men are hungry when they come home and the prospect of a good meal (especially his favorite dish) is part of the warm welcome needed.
- Prepare yourself. Take 15 minutes to rest so you'll be refreshed when he arrives. Touch up your make-up, put a ribbon in your hair and be fresh-looking. He has just been with a lot of work-weary people.
- Be a little gay and a little more interesting for him. His boring day may need a lift and one of your duties is to provide it.
- Clear away clutter. Make one last trip through the main part of the house just before your husband arrives.
- Gather up schoolbooks, toys, paper, etc and then run a dustcloth over the tables.
- Over the cooler months of the year you should prepare and light a fire for him to unwind by. Your husband will feel he has reached a haven of rest and order, and it will give you a lift too. After all, catering for his comfort will give you immense personal satisfaction.
- Prepare the children. Take a few minutes to wash the children's hands and faces (if they are small), comb their hair, and if neccesary, change their clothes. They are little treasures and he would like to see them playing the part. Minimise all noise. At the time of his arrival, eliminate all noise of the washer, dryer or vacuum. Try to encourage the children to be quiet.
- Be happy to see him.
- Greet him with a warm smile and show sincerity in your desire to please him.
- Listen to him. You may have a dozen important things to tell him, but the moment of his arrival is not the time. Let him talk first-remember, his topics of conversation are more important than yours.
- Make the evening his. Never complain if he comes home late, or goes out to dinner, or other place of entertainment without you. Instead, try to understand his world of strain and pressure and his very real need to be at home and relax.
- Your goal: try to make your home a place of peace, order and tranquility where your husband can renew himself in body and spirit.
- Don't greet him with complaints and problems.
- Don't complain if he's late home for dinner or even if he stays out all night. Consider this as minor compared to what he might have gone through that day.
- Make him comfortable. Have him lean back in a comfortable chair or have him lie down in the bedroom. Have a cool or warm drink ready for him.
- Arrange his pillows and offer to take off his shoes. Speak in a low, soothing and pleasant voice.
- Don't ask him questions about his actions or question his judgement or integrity. Remember, he is the master of the house and as such will always excerise his will with fairness and truthfulness. you have no right to question him.
- A good wife always knows her place.
The first time that I read this was in a religion class in high school. The teacher passed it around. I couldn't hold my tongue back then and I still can't. Were women being sedated back then? I really can't see how anyone would subject themselves to this kind of expectations otherwise. When my husband and I got married he knew that I had not planned on being a "1950's housewife." I do cook dinner when I can and I clean when I can but you've got to be kidding me with this king of the castle type of attitude. When I received this in an e-mail today I decided to re-write "The Good-Wife's Guide." See my revised version below
The New & Improved Good Wife's Guide
- Plan dinner for yourself and family. Even if the food has a "Mc" in front or a "King" behind, it still counts as a dinner you planned. Making reservations is also considered planning as is asking your husband to pick something up on the way home from work.
- Take a nap if possible, after all, you deserve it. Feeding, cleaning, dressing and running after children all day is hard work. Plus, if you are rested, you are less likely to take off to Vegas like you've threatened to do on more than one stressful occasion. Also to make yourself "fresh-looking", have the hubby watch the kids for you so you can take a nice relaxing bath and maybe have time to shave. He'll love that.
- Do whatever makes you happy. If you enjoy dancing around the house in your underwear then do it. And do it for yourself not for your spouse because being "gay" for his benefit is just plain gay.
- If you're lucky enough to have a "play room" then you can only hope that the majority of the toys will remain in there. If not, have the kids clean them up at the end of the day before bedtime. There's no point in putting them away while they are still playing. Randomly throwing toys into said playroom counts as cleaning up, as does piling laundry in the corner of a room. If you don't get the opportunity to clean up clutter, it's a sure fire sign that you had something better to do.
- As long as there is nothing living or breathing in the inch high dust that covers the TV, cabinets or shelves, it can wait. And if your washer, dryer or dishwasher are running when your husband comes home, well it's a sign that you've obviously been busy that day.
- Building a fire is fun if you have a fireplace. And if you do, try not to "accidentally" knock your husband into it when he picks a fight even though that might bring you "immense personal satisfaction."
- Children get dirty. If there is even a spec of mud in the backyard, they will find it. As long as their hands are clean before they eat and as long as they aren't smearing dirt on your new carpet or couch then they're clean enough for the time being. If their loud voices drive you crazy, send them outside where they can drive the neighbors crazy. And to fix any hair issues, make them wear a hat. Also, if they want to jump all over their father the minute he walks in the door, let them. After all, they've most likely been jumping all over you all day.
- Be happy to see your husband, assuming he's on time and in a good mood. Be even happier if he brought home a paycheck.
- Give him a hug when he walks in the door, if he doesn't smell of another woman's perfume, give him a kiss too. If you missed him, tell him. If you actually want to know how his day went, ask him. And if you love him, remind him.
- Make a list of all of the things you need or want to tell your husband when he comes home. In the midst of football, ballet, tuba and soccer practice you'll most likely forget. And this way you can hit every topic over dinner. Giving pop quizzes afterwards always helps to drive your points across, although it might make him mad and then he "might" have a fireplace accident.
- If you had a stressful day, you retain the right to complain about it. As your husband he has the obligation to listen and vice versa. If he goes out after work and stays out late, you also have the right to be upset. And you retain the right to turn off your cell phone the next time you're out with the girls.
- If you can make one room tranquil and peaceful then do it. You need somewhere to escape and regroup yourself. This is why men have sheds and garages.
- If he wants to go out for a few drinks after work then compromise. You should be able to go out one night also, it's only fair.
- If you've both had a rough day then having drinks prepared is not a bad idea, especially if there is alcohol included.
- Arranging your husband's pillow is a nice gesture, just try not to "arrange" it over his face. Of course if you're speaking in low, pleasant tones while you're doing it, it could still be considered a nice gesture.
- If something doesn't seem right to you, ask questions. Just because your husband is a man doesn't mean he can do whatever he wants. Remember, where there is a King of the castle, there is also a Queen......
- A good wife always knows her place, on top of her throne where she shall be worshipped by all.
23 comments:
Hello. This was a pretty funny article. I loved the fireplace accident stuff. Your picture of the original article is not working properly though. You may want to reload it. It would be interesting to see what the original was like.
I love your rewrite! Kudos. :)
Your teacher was a fraud...
http://www.snopes.com/language/document/goodwife.asp
When a woman circulated this at work about five years ago (which was when we looked it up and found out it was suspect in general, and certainly not from Good Housekeeping, as the snopes link indicates), another old husband looked at the list and sighed. "Put a ribbon in my hair? Fine. Anything to keep peace in the family."
You look too young to know what women were taught about wifeliness in the 50's. I'd be careful with easy assumptions.
Did you actually READ the Snopes article, krw? It is labeled "Status: Undetermined" not "Status: False" and the article states, quote: "Whether the piece at hand is a genuine excerpt from a yet-undiscovered home economics textbook, it is nonetheless a relatively accurate reflection of the mainstream vision of a woman's appointed role in post-war America, as evinced by such educational training films as 'The Home Economics Story' (made familiar to a whole new generation of youngsters through its spoofing on the popular Mystery Science Theater 3000 program)." (emphasis added for the blind)
To "assistant village idiot": How old are you? I'm 58. I've seen a lot of cultural change in my life. The original list was an exaggeration for effect, as much as the "revised" list was: both still reflect reality.
To treat your irony deficiency, I prescribe daily doses of The Daily Show to both of you.
Did you actually *read* the Snopes article anitra freeman???
Let me quote some of it for you in return:
"As for the text itself, nobody has turned up the infamous textbook that supposedly included these ten steps. The list is often attributed to Helen B. Andelin's book Fascinating Womanhood, first published in 1963 to provide instruction in "The Art of Winning a Man's Complete Love," but no such list appears in that work."
The status of "undetermined" is common at Snopes because, as is the nature of the site, they do not state definitively what cannot be proven. You cannot definitively prove a negative, however if you or someone else can produce the actual publication that contains this list, I will be more than happy to be re-educated into your line of thinking.
As for getting news information from a comedy show, I suggest that at 58, it is about time for you to grow up.
krw: Not everything is black and white. Whether or not the piece is a genuine excerpt from a home economics textbook, it is a relatively accurate reflection of the mainstream vision of a woman's appointed role in post-war America.
Just as the general spirit of "The Good Wife's Guide Revised" can be enjoyed as a reflection of the change in attitudes, without taking it as literal advice to knock your hubby into the fireplace if he annoys you or doesn't bring home a paycheck. If it had come from a different source than attributed, that would only invalidate the claim of its source, not anything in its content.
No evidence can be found for the claim that "The Good Wife's Guide" was published in Good Housekeeping in the 1950s, and there is some evidence against that claim, like the identified source of the accompanying illustration.
There is evidence for the accuracy of the content as a picture of common 1950s attitudes. If you have counter-evidence, source material from the 1950s demonstrating that the mainstream vision of a woman's appointed role was entirely different, please post it.
I prescribe The Daily Show as a remedy for irony-deficiency, not as a source of news -- however, you could do worse. According to the Pew Research Center, Americans who scored highest on a political knowledge quiz included regular viewers of The Daily Show/Colbert Report. Summary of the Pew report.
I don't do too badly for somebody who still needs "to grow up": I scored 12 out of 12. Try it yourself: Pew News quiz.
12 of 12 my good lady. And I could do that in my sleep. A very weak poll/test, if you want my opinion. A child could do as well. For an adult of 58 to brag of such an "accomplishment" is a sad reflection on the condition of our times.
The whole point of this ridiculous argument is that this post was presented as a "fact", an "actual 1955 Good Housekeeping article" that was presented by someone's teacher. It is not real. That is my point. Now if you want to express an opinion about what the attitudes, etc. were in the 1950's, that's fine, but do not present "evidence" of your opinion as "fact" something that is a complete fabrication. I think I've proven my point.
If the sole point you wanted to make, krw, is that the article should not be said to have been an "actual 1955 Good Housekeeping article," I agree with you entirely.
I have placed an asterisk before the word "Actual" at the beginning of my post. For anyone concerned with the validity of the original, you can read the added note in blue. To Assistant Village Idiot (nice name by the way), you don't know me, my life, my experiences or how I grew up so you really cannot judge "my assumptions". If you disagree with the fact of the way women were treated and expected to act in the 1950's, then maybe you're assumptions are incorrect. To Krw, you can choose whether to read an article or not, you can also choose to comment or not. This was not meant to be taken as seriously as the Bible, which by the way is also open to interpretation. It is meant as a response to this article that has been passed around for years. This is how women were expected to act, end of story. Also, who are you to insult another person just because their views are not the same as yours? Maybe the reason you are so up in arms over this article is because you agree with the original. You know, just because something doesn't fall under what you may deem as acceptable or funny, doesn't mean that it isn't. Everyone is entitled to their own opinions and they don't have to all be the same as yours. To Anitra & Cogswell, thanks for everything. Your opinions matter to me and I'm glad to have fellow bloggers who are not so close-minded.
Wow, Nicole. Thanks for the input. Now I know all I need to know about overreaction. Don't forget to vote for Hillary...
My, what thin skin you have, krw. Is that why you have no writing of your own up for public comment?
Nicole, you are, so far, the one person on Zimbio I have "talked" even this much with. It's been fun. :D
Write On!
Understood. I'll take my ugly thoughts and opinions that don't matter and go away now...
You may choose to accept this or reject but I can assure you the success to a good marriage is when you genuinely care about and want to please the other person (this goes for both the husband and wife) and not be selfish. Remember many times what you think you are doing for the other person is something you are indirectly doing for yourself.
By ensuring a good home-made meal, you encourage your husband to think of coming home to you early to a healthy meal and warm reception. A good balanced meal can improve your spouse's health, immunity, virility and can lead to a long active life (this can mean a more fit husband and active sex life that goes on for more years) and even more energy to go out after a long day. It also helps mentally and psychologically to maintain peace and good atmosphere in the house and not let outside pressures come inbetween your intimacy.
Remember part of the charm is the pleasure of letting go and treat others the way you want to be treated. Never forget to remember the things your spouse has done for you but don't keep a profit/loss account balance.
Everyone wants rights but no one wants to perform duties. My mother once told me these women will go and participate in social events, community activities and fund raisers doing social service while their own husband and daughter are left uncared having pizza.
Kalyan,
I agree with you. Of course the making of warm meals is a duty that can be shared by both the husband and wife. I make most of the meals in my household because my husband works a lot so on weekends he tries to give me a break by handling some meals. My oldest son also likes to help make dinner which gives way to some binding time. But it is definitely about give and take, and constantly wanting to make your mate happy.
I love this article. I sent it straight to my wife. Good job.
This article probably was a hoax (from Wikipedia):
Investigations propose that the guide may be a hoax. According to snopes.com, the wording "The Advertising Archives" located on the right side of the image suggests a fraud, since the Archives itself was not started until 1990.[2][1] Additionally, the image used is claimed[1] to be from a 1957 cover of John Bull magazine.[3] The "Good Wife" version of this image appears to be cropped just below where the textbox containing the words "WOMAN AT THE WHEEL" appeared on the John Bull cover image. One source claims that the text of this article has been circulating since at least the 1980s via fax.[4]
I liked your new revised article too. There is a lot of truth in both - thanks for posting it.
I predict a divorce in your future..
I enjoyed the rewrite =) I walk the line between the first and second, I think. I try to be domestic, but sometimes it just doesn't work, and I don't beat myself up about it!
Whether this was a real article or not, the sad thing is there are really people that beleive this is a what a good wife does. I went to a women's conference put on by my church and that is exactly what the main speaker told women to do. I love your rewrite!
I would think there is 1 important detail not pointed out in the post. Most women of this era were home makers or housewives and did not work and only had the responsibility of taking care of the household. I will admit there were some bad apples out there but for the most part women were well respected for taking care of their families and they received alot of praise and often just about anything they asked for. It may not have been as common for women s ideas to show in public opinion but they were revered by their families and taken with the highest consideration by their partners.
Lets not forget where the idea of Femininity came from, and that there has always been a clear separation between the roles of the sexes even if American culture tries to move away from it.
just remember every woman still wants to be treated like a lady (which would imply in its definition a certain mind frame and separation of identity/class) But the article clearly comes from a time when chivalry was NOT dead and as bad as it sounds now, people lived and died their relationships more often than now (divorce rate is at something like 40% i think)
there are still other countries with stricter ideas and these ideas were present in our culture at a time when we cultivated the greatest and most free society in the world. couldnt be too bad i think
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